And I don’t know how to deal with it.

About a month ago, my mom had a grand mal seizure and severely injured her back on vacation visiting a friend. She’s in constant pain and because of the opioid crisis, not getting proper pain management (because she has to wait for an appointment at pain management).

I’ve been talking to her every day, and I’m burnt out. I can’t take one more paranoid rant about her neurologist (who she keeps coming up with new reasons to hate), about the pills she forgot in Colorado (that she thinks her friend stole to get high on, which can’t be mailed back to her because it’s a felony), about my brother (who she’s grateful for one day, and then enraged at because she hates how dependent she is and he’s helping her by texting when she should take her various meds). I can’t take hearing the same story for the third or 4th time because her short term memory is so bad. I just can’t fucking take it, but I have to because I’m all she has and I have to help my brother who is back home somehow.

I myself am severely depressed, just got dumped by the guy I’ve been seeing, and barely holding on myself. (On top of the awful messy break up I had in January from my partner of 8 years and the crazy alcoholic woman I lived with after I was forced to move out among other things) I have no one to talk to about it, I have some “support meetings” at the psych clinic, but they’re in my second language and I get so frustrated trying to explain myself and what I’m feeling.

I just feel like a giant mess.